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[Sep. 15th, 2008|09:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  melancholy | ] |
"itl be alrite, it will be fine, cuz its nothing more than ordinary life" |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 10th, 2008|12:49 am] |
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I feel like im in some sort of dead end, where all i do is live day for day never looking any further ahead... |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 13th, 2008|10:34 am] |
I need a hair cut, I hate haircuts
I'm not looking forward to working on wednesday because thats the day scarry Rita is in from head office....she made me cry last wednesday....i work today and tomorow too...its my third week doing this job...altho its not bad, im already starting to wish i didnt have to go to work some days....I guess im lazzy and unmotivated and I just dont like working...no matter what it is? I would have to say the job I've minded the least so far (altho I did complain at times) was working at the avondale for 3 years...
My birthday is coming up in like two weeks or so...I'm gunna be 20, which feels sort of funny, new decade...when i was younger I use to perceive 20 year olds are old and adult like, now that Im there i still feel like the same old douche bag kid...except with a life containing more explicit content... |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 8th, 2008|02:16 pm] |
tiffany's g-ma died a week and two days ago, we were there with her when it happened,we sat there all afternoon and watched her, I feel closer to her and her family now, because i was with them during a very private moment of loosing a loved one...being in that atmosphere brought back a lot of my own memories of people ive lost in the past...when people die it seems u always feel as tho u have run out of time, out of time to do everything u wanted you do with that person or tell them everything you've wanted to tell them or you simply feel guilty for treating them with attitude instead of love and thankfulness as tho u always have tomorrow to do so...
Im enjoying my new job...all is going well and i should be getting my first paycheck this friday which will be a lovely feeling! im really getting into jewelry now from being around it and understanding it...after my 3 month probation i get a discount and im gunna start collecting diamonds.
I feel discusting today sort of, like a fat lazy fucking loser...I wish i didnt have to work and had money so i could go to the liquor store to buy some wine, drink it, and go have lots of sex! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 25th, 2008|06:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
Today tiff, her mother, her sister and I went to the seniors home, where here grandma is staying to visit her and Tiff and I we're standing in the parking lot holding hands and her mom says "Could you girls not hold hands, this is a seniors residence, this kind of stuff is not of their era", which we thought was pretty funny...
her poor grandma is on the verge of dying so we've been going a lot, her g-ma really likes me apparently and thinks im just such a pretty thing etc etc...Tiff said its the first time shes liked any of the girlfriends shes introduced her to and finally seems okay with the girl girl thing.The first day i meet her grandma the lady in the bed next to her died when we were visiting...it was pretty intense, it reminded me of when i watched my grandpa die a few years back. I really like old people...
Also i finally got a new job, in a jewelery store, I start monday. Its gunna be intense and the training will take a while because ill have to read books about jewels and learn about the different types of diamonds and chains and how sizing works and what type of repairs can be done on different pieces and what karats represent, all that jazz. It should be interesting tho... |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 16th, 2008|04:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
Emilie- 'My mom never grounded me growing up, or in recent years....because I'm perfect'
Tiffany-'Yea...perfect in the bedroom' |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 14th, 2008|10:35 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
The people in the upstairs appartment are so loud during the day, sometimes i wish they would just stop existing...especially their kid, shes cute and all but she yells, cries and runs back and forth around the apt so much, it drives me nuts really, i dont think i use to be this irritable?
Im impatient to get a new job, i handed out some resumés this weekend, I hope something comes out of it...I need money to go bowling with my baberz and we also want to rent a hotel room and buy lots of feathery pillows so we can have a major pillow fight and hop from one bed to the other bed and not have to pick up the mess after....I also need to buy water guns for when we take bubble baths so we can squirt each other in the face, because we're really romantic like that...
i need to have my hair trimmed really bad, but hairdressers scare the shit out of me... |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 9th, 2008|10:22 pm] |
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I few weeks ago my mom suggested I go for some therapy to work through some issues and talk with a 'neutral' person as she commented on how all my life has been for the past two years or more is on and off 'partying and crisis' and that she is hard on me about my issues because she thinks im better than my behavior and that im 'stronger than this' and she doesnt believe that i cant help but making stupid choices. I was quite appauled by the therapy idea, but i have thought it over and im sort of considering it...in a way saying whatever the fuck u want to a complete stranger that doesnt know you or anything about your life or the people in it, that wont be affected by what u say and someone who has probably seen worse than you and will simply move on to the next damaged soul when u leave sounds kind of good. She also said that is If just kept drinking and doing nothing with my life she could no longer live with me, not because she wants me to leave but because watching me destroy myself has taken a toll on her and it hurts her too much and is causing her much anxiety....so I sat down with her tuesday and told her everything she wants to hear...that i will get better, that i will make some changes, that i will find a new job, that i will find some new 'goals'...I do want to change but its like im frozen, and i know what i have to do but i just cant do it....at the same time somedays i have moments of great happiness, especiaally with Tiff...moments of ultimate comfort that make me wonder am i really going insane? is this drama in my life the fruit of my imagination? My mom said yesterday that ill be just fine in her opinion, that some ppl might be on medication and things like that for what I've been through over the years and recently especially...I thought to myself...mother i self-medicate no worries...Im in love these days and thats a good thing because it brings me joy but its also a bad thing as the person i love has greater life issues than i do...so its not like shes a possitive influence although she does hope for the best for me and has tried to get away from me more than once now for my own sake because she doesnt want to 'ruin my life'...but now we love each other simply too much to get away, the damage is done, if we are to eventually ruin each others lives, so it will be... |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 29th, 2008|08:47 pm] |
Most of the time, I don't know what to think of life....
or what to think of my life anyways
I quit my job as i would have probably been fired anyways seeing as TD insurance cancled two of the programs we sold and therefore didnt need as many representatives....I hated being a telemarketer...im glad its over with, it was good money tho
I also think I wont be able to afford to move to Montreal in 4 months, therefore I shall be remaining right where i am for a lot longer then planned....
Everytime i think something is for sure in my life its not....
Tiff and I hangout almost everyday of the week are still quite clearly in love but are not together and probably wont be getting back together...sometimes it causes me stress, especially when shes out without me...i dont care that she fucks her guy friends because I know its just sex, but I wouldnt want her to fall for another girl...that she randomly meets or something...at the same time i myself could bump into someone else that catches my eye...actually last weekend i meet this really hot girl we danced and madeout all evening however tiff was also there and also had the hots for this girl and also kissed her, not as mnay times as i did tho :P...its hard to pick someone else up when we are out at the same place together, even tho we arent 'together'
its all so complicated, but I cant and dont want to let go because shes my bestfriend right now, shes the first person i call when i feel like shit and feel like crying, my life would suck without her...i love spending like two days in her bedroom watching movies and tv show marathons and only exiting to smoke cigs and to grab food to smuggle into the bedroom... |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 20th, 2008|10:03 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
My girlfriend and I broke up like 5 days ago....we hungout the very next day and had a sleepover as friends, we didnt do anything but still...now we are already fucking again...I dont know what is going to happen at this point, we may get back together but agree upon an open relationship this time....people who know us and watch us find us rather funny with our daily antics...which we are...we are in one of those cant live with you cant live without you situations.... :S
I also got banned for life from the Honest Lawyer bar on st.pattys for fucking with this guy in the mens washroom...I honestly didnt want it to go that far...I followed him cuz I thought it could be interesting to fool around real quick, i was drunk recently single and felt like doing something crazzy cuz thats what I do...and plus he was hot...then I told him to stop several times and he wouldnt and would not let me out of the stall....some may consider it mild rape taking advantage whatever,but to a drunk guy it prolly seemed like that was an ok thing to do because their fucking stupid horny assholes like that, all i know is something that seemed harmelss and funny turned out into something that made me upset....and then just to make matters worse bouncers come pounding on the door tellings us we gotta get the fuck out...although that part was sort of hilarious....good thung i dont really like that bar in any case... |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 14th, 2008|03:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
fooling around in a bathroom stall in a bar, after making-up with yer better half is so cliché and awsome... |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 12th, 2008|02:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  satisfied | ] |
Today, life is beautiful |
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| Came out of the fucking closet! lolz |
[Mar. 6th, 2008|03:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | lazy | ] |
so this morning bright and early tiff and I are laying in my bed but hadnt actually slept yet and my moms alarm rings (6am)...so she strolls out of her room makes herself breakfast and what not and tiff and i are wide awake but pretend not to be whispering and laughing stupid shit and i said as a joke 'i should tell my mom right now that we eat eachother out' then tiff starts daring me to come-out to my about me being a bisexual right on the spot and i was like are you fucked, right now...are you sure u wanna be here for this? so we kept being morrons in the bed and joking around a wiggling so my mom evnetually noticed that we were awake and started talking with us well mainly talking to tiff, in the meantime tiff is like i dare you do it right now and shoves her hands in my pajama pants while shes listening and conversing with my mother about her job as a teachor and what not, and im thinking WOW omg, tiff u asshole....so while my mom switched the topic to the weather i say 'MOm, this might not be the perfect moment to say this but...' then tiff punches me in the arm and tells me are you crazzy i was joking and im like welll wtf u dared me too, now im doing it u fucker, what u didnt think id do it? so by then my mother is really intrigued and curious about what i was about to reveal and then i quitte simply tell her 'well mom, im a bisexual!'
and just like a dream she gives me the most Daina answer ever 'well hunny thats fine with me, I dont mind at all, as long as you are happy in life and have a successful meaninful life, i dont care how you live it'
later on when tiff went to the store to buy smokes by mom approaches me and says 'you know ive had a feeling for a while that you might eventually come forward and say that...'
I was like what? really? ( I mean ive always thought i seemed pretty damm straight, even i didnt know i wasnt until recently...)
I guess mothers do know you better than you know yourself
next step...telling her me and tiff are in fucking love.....altho im sure she can add two and two together... |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 4th, 2008|03:07 pm] |
problems with my wife are now fixed, she said she was sorry, and that she ran because she was scarred (heck as if im not)....
I have a fucking ear infection, not impressed with that, I've never had one before, its rather unpleasant(obviously) |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 29th, 2008|02:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crushed | ] |
feeling like death for various reasons....
at least by boss likes me well enough and will let me come back to work even tho i should be fired for not showing for a whole fucking week....
My mother is unimpressed with me going out whenever im not working and comming home smashed at retarded hours, then occassionaly waking her with the sound of my vomoting( i appoligize for being so graphic)
I hope this shitty feeling of sadness in me dies away quickly |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 27th, 2008|02:08 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
Ive been drunk for days...
so much so that I feel flat on my face at the bus stop
now my nose is swollen an broozed which makes me look like a hockey or football player...
im sure it was hilarious for the people around me to watch tho
Im in love with a girl who loves me back, so I have to run this by my mother this week
Ive failed to show up for work for two days in a row, thats so unlike me
I may be fired
WOWZERS |
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[Feb. 17th, 2008|11:41 pm] |
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ok, my life just got really weird, over the past week and a half |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 13th, 2008|04:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
New hair!
all one even length with straight across bangs down over my eyebrows, it looks nice cuz my hair so long now! but im growing it out even more...
Tomorow night im going to a drag queen show, im super stoked yall! |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 10th, 2008|07:41 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | high | ] |
no sleep
in a daze
booze, drugs
dancing
gay people
too much for me to handle at this time....
not going to bed today so i can go to toronto to shop with kristi as planned
i feel sorry for kristi who is going to have to chill with me all day
while im like this |
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| French kissing the boss |
[Feb. 9th, 2008|11:40 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | weird | ] |
So last night I went out after work with my co-worker/friend in the making, Noelle, and at the bar we saw the guy that trained us for this job, which i mentioned a few entries ago, anyways he was there with two buddies of his and invited us to join them at their table, i ended up drinking shots of vodka, pornstars and cosmopolitain martinis til I got sick (of course :S) later in the night. we ended up going at these guys house, to smoke up, and my boss/trainer ended up making out with me and totallly trying to get me in bed, which under different circumstances I would have been totally down for seeig as he is a really sexy 25ish years old guy, but he was really taking advantage of the fact that I was quite clearly drunk. problem is im not a dump sick drunk, I still know what im doing and try to be semi-composed even tho i may be leaving the room now and then to make myself puke. So Noelle and I figured it was better to get outta there, to avoid something i probably would have been pissed at myself for later, or worse something i couldnt controle, some guys are fucked up and go ahead and serve themselves no matter what...
Also Noelle is like bisexual or whatever, which doesnt bother me, except she always says stuff to make it clear shes "attracted" to me and would sleep with me, which is flattering but awkward none the less as I am not gay, altho I have done things with women before, but more out of open-mindedness, curiosity and consumption of many beverages then anything else. and on top of that, I just dont think shes hot, I mean shes not uggly or gross by any means, but shes just not my type of chick. lol
Today is her birthday and im going out with her at her gang of friends which 75 percent of them are gay, I hope their hot dikes and intertaining gay men...and that they respect me as a straight person? |
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